I am a failure
Okay...so I am not just being negative. I really failed two classes. But I did it deliberately. I had taken incompletes in two courses when the worst chaos of life this past difficult year came upon me. I had every intention of finishing the work. And then I changed my mind. I don't want to be behind. I don't want to push to get the grade. I want to learn stuff. Cramming is not learning. Rushing to write what is required is not learning. So I decided to take the courses over. Which means that I failed them for the now.What does this mean, I wonder. What sense is there in doing such a thing? I really felt good after making the decision, but then I kept wondering if I did the correct thing.
Today my friend Nigel called. He told me that what I had done proved my integrity. He said he didn't know whether he knew another person who would make the decision to fail. I failed for the sake of learning. And I made the right decision. No one needs a pastor who just does what needs be done to get by. They need someone who is willing to sacrifice what seems important in the eyes of the world, in order to really get to the heart of things. I'm starting to understand, slowly but surely, that I am made of the stuff that makes a good pastor. And I am terrified of the implications that brings. But for the moment, I am proud to be a failure.
posted by CT @ 5:09 PM
1 Comments:
Don't you hate it when people you don't know leave nothings as comments on your blog?
As your friend, I wanted you to know that I think you are awesome. If you are going to give yourself to something, you need to give yourself to it fully. This is something that I am trying to learn this year.
I went to this awesome church in downtown Denver last Sunday night. You would have really liked it. Yes, even you would! It is called "Scum of the Earth". A seminary student was the speaker for the evening. He spoke on Acts 2 and one of the first things he said was that he hates church, and yet he is in seminary. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to go to the church, but it stands for some very cool "real" stuff!
Miss you!
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