girlscandoanything

SexGod and strange insights

For months now conversations surrounding Rob Bell's SexGod and relationships have been a part of life. And there always seems to be another conversation to have about the subject. And today the thing that runs through my mind is how sick to death I am of people being all wrapped up in relationships. Because relationships are complex, I know, but I don't think they need to be nearly so complicated as people make them. People are always over thinking thngs and placing way too much importance on things and getting all crazy about relationships.

I'm tired of boys who think they are so important that any interest I show in their life must be expressing I am in love with them. I am tired of girls who are so pathetically insecure that they make their issues into my issues--isolating, ignoring, or spreading lies about me because they don't love themselves. I am tired of guys who are too weak to stand up to pathetically insecure girlfriends, or too scared to find out why I have an interest in their life rather than making assumptions. Most of all, I am tired of people who have no better understanding of relationship than I do criticizing my supposed failures in the area of relationship. I actually know a lot about relationship, because I've had enough bad experiences to figure out what good relationship is really about in many ways.

Sure, there is a lot I still don't understand about the ways that people relate to one another, and I certainly don't get any awards for past romantic encounters gone right, but I don't think that the way I approach relationship should be looked down upon. People should love one another. People should take interest in one another's lives. People should need one another and help one another and accept one another. And that isn't complicated--no matter how complex it may be. Because if we were really thinking about relating, connecting with the life of another, and not thinking about what benefits us, all the over thinking and craziness goes away. And so does most of the hurt and confusion and insecurity and assumption that makes relationship seem like it may not be worth the effort. Loving people is hard work, but when you take out all of those negative things that arise out of our selfishness and extreme self-preservation, it is always worth the effort.

Right now, I am tired of other people making it hard for me to love people. Because their selfishness and their extreme self-preservation is bringing hurt and confusion and insecurity and assumption into my life and my relationships. They are creating struggle where none existed. And they are causing me to call into question whether being related with them is worth the effort. I hate that they have been able to do that--to cause me to question whether loving people is worth it.

It is worth it. Loving people is worth it. If I am worth dying for, like Bell says, then everyone else is worth dying for as well. So, love is worth it, even when loving others brings ugly stuff into my life. But it is hard to keep telling yourself that after so much ugliness has passed before your eyes. So I guess I need to remind myself of the good.

A couple weeks ago, Maxie spoke about the things that people are willing to die for--nobody dies for Walmart, he said. And when I need to be reminded of what is worth dying for, I don't look to my supposed friends or assumed love interests or the insecure girls around me. I drive through the poorest, most crime-ridden parts of my city and I look at the crack addicts and the homeless and the gangsters to remind me of what love is and what is worth dying for. Ugliness reminds me of love, while people who once claimed to, appeared to, or pretended to love me bring ugliness into my life. Kinda funny, really.

So...relationships. I'm just gonna love people, and maybe I'll even figure out how to love them enough that I don't let them bring ugliness. Or maybe learn how to love them in spite of the ugliness. And I think the way to do that is to focus on not letting any selfishness or self-preservation invade my own heart.

posted by CT @ 5:30 PM