Disconnected
I feel disconnected. David says that all people long for two things--intimacy and purpose--and these my life is devoid of. I am completely disconnected. So how does one connect? How does one create intimacy and purpose? I'm not sure that creating such is possible. So, for the moment, I remain disconnected.
Coffee Crotch
Today Tavya and David and I went to lunch together. It is interesting the things that come up in the course of conversation at lunch. We talked about flat front pants. We talked about making out. We talked about the curse that overwhelms my existence and makes everything go wrong.
When we left on our lunch excursion I was actually feeling down about the curse. I was tired and unmotivated and just wanted to go to sleep. But then a funny thing happened. Okay, not so funny for Tavya or for David. We had stopped at Starbucks and were on our way back to Fuller when Tavya's coffee splashed out of the cup and into her eye. Moments later, David starts saying, "Ow, ow" in the back seat. He had accidentally spilled his coffee. "Great. Now I have coffee crotch." I started to laugh. I am the only one present who was not scalded by my coffee. Perhaps the curse is not so powerful as I sometimes think it is. Perhaps there is hope.
In this world I will have trouble. This I know to be true. But somehow there is a strange comfort in knowing that others will have trouble too. I guess this is one of the great benefits of being in community. You get to see other people's lives suck sometimes. Then you are not always thinking about the way that your life sucks. (I'm sure that could be said in a more positive way, but I'm a cynical gal so I'm not going to say it more positively.) My thanks to Tavya and David. My all of our lives be less sucky than someone else's.
The Great Walter Brueggeman
This weekend, between doses of Tylenol 3 for my teeth which must come out, I was priveleged to attend a lecture by the famed Old Testament scholar Walter Brueggeman. It was kinda cool to be sitting only a few feet away from a scholar of legendary proportion. But then, about 15 minutes into his presentation I had the strange feeling that I am a scholar of legendary proportion. Now, I am not delusional, though I was feeling a little giddy from my prescriptions and lightheaded from lack of solid food. I really have finally determined that I am not only smart, but wise and learned.
Okay, if I ever failed your class it is time to get up off the floor, muffle your laughter and read on.
If being at Fuller has taught me anything---and it has taught me much---one of the most important things is that I am able to do this. No matter how tough it gets, no matter the disappointments and the struggles, the financial burdens and the desperate days, I am still here. And not only am I here, but I think the same things as Walter Brueggeman. I too think that the Old Testament Exodus is about a change in regime--a change of the system. I too think that the world today is slave to a system of consumption and meaningless production. I too think that we need a modern Exodus of the mind and the will to change the system. And I thought all of these things before Walter ever said them aloud--or at least in my hearing.
I have found that there is an amazing sense of solidarity overwhelming me. I stand with Gustavo Guitierrez. I stand with Walter Brueggeman. I stand with Bonhoeffer and Lewis and Nouwen. I stand with Luther and sometimes even with Calvin. And even my ideas that are over the top and out on a limb are supported by some great theologian that I am yet learning about. John Stott is an anihilationist. CS Lewis was an inclusivist. What I think and what I find to be true when I study is what great thinkers and writers and theologians also think and also conclude.
I am a theologian.
I've been wondering lately why I am here and what is my motivation. This is why I'm here and this is my motivation. I am a theologian. This is where theologians belong. This is what theologians do. I am a theologian.
