girlscandoanything

Ginger and Chocolate

Today I made a smoothie and I put way too much ginger in it and then while I was drinking it my tongue went totally numb. But I kept drinking it because it was really good. So I just walked around sipping my smoothie and trying not to talk to anyone so they wouldn't think I was drunk or something. It would have been difficult to explain that I was slurring my words because of a ginger overdose. Or, at least, it would have made me look like an idiot--which I am, so that is not so serious a thing.

I decided that I am addicted to chocolate. I have found that when I study or sit through lectures, eating M&M's is a very good way to stay awake and satisfy hunger. I think it all started with this cute boy Christopher who was my Greek study partner. We sat together in class for two quarters and he would bring me M&M's every week. So began my addiction. Then I would buy a little bag of them during the class break. Now, I've been buying bulk and carrying a bag of them around with me. When I sit down with my books the M&M's come out too. I've tried to substitute granola or raisins, but they just don't have the same effect. I hope I finish school soon. I'm going to gain 15 pounds in chocolate alone.

In my Pentateuch class I was reading about Leviticus and the Kosher laws and I learned that in the time of Leviticus (and into today for Kosher Jews) what you eat is symbolic of what you believe. I wonder what ginger and chocolate say about my belief system. It cannot be good. I wonder what I would eat like if I meant for my beliefs to be expressed through my food choices? I've never really considered the witness of food before. Perhaps it would be good for me to assess my diet from an evangelistic point of view. Or maybe I should just stop writing now and eat my lunch.

posted by CT @ 2:15 PM 1 comments

Apology Not Accepted

I wrote an email to Andrew today. I apologized. But it doesn't matter if he accepts it. This is such a cool concept for me.

There is this guy in my cohort who is obsessed with the doctrine of forgiveness. His whole theology revolves around how he thinks about forgiveness. But, in a way, he must live in a very sad and frustrating place. He is constantly commenting that "God forgives us before we ask so we can't have to ask, can we?" He is terrified that he will forget to ask to be forgiven of something and therefore be guilty forever. And "if other people don't forgive us then are we really forgiven?" He apparently doesn't believe that we are. He is consumed with what others think as a result.

We don't need to be forgiven to find forgiveness. How cool is that? We don't have to spend our days consumed by the question of whether or no someone offers us forgiveness. Of course, we should ask. But once you have asked, your part is done. No one needs to accept our apologies for us to be free from the wrong we have committed.

So I told Drew that I was sorry. I was seeking vindication from the wrong source. I was seeking from Andrew what he could not give. I am sorry. What is really silly about the whole thing is that vindication was mine the entire time. I just couldn't seem to accept it. I kept second guessing and doubting myself. I really never did anything wrong. There was no vindication to seek. Do I believe that Andrew will accept my apology? Yes. In fact, I believe that any and all offenses have already been forgiven. But it can't hurt to express my sorrow over my mistake.

The beauty of apologizing to Andrew is that I realized the power that we have to work healing in our own lives, despite the hurt that others try to put us through. No one has the power to lord over me the mistakes of the past. All I need to do is be sorry for them. Then they have no power.

posted by CT @ 10:05 AM 0 comments